Heaven-sent

In the struggle towards holiness, I find it helpful to talk to different people to get different perspectives and advice. 

Two Saturdays ago, God sent me Bro. R.

Normally, I have a quick bite to eat at around 11:30 when it's CTS day. This way, I can keep the library open from 12 nn onwards in case any of our lay students want to drop by during their lunch break. But last week, after being dismissed early from class, Bro. R felt a nudge to go the dining hall where he found me beginning my meal. He sat with me. There was no one else around aside from the staff member who would come in from time to time to bring in the rest of the lunch orders. For a cafeteria during lunch break, it was a rare and perfect moment for confiding.  

I took the opportunity to open up to him regarding a certain person... and whether it would be okay for this person to join a spiritual activity I participate in despite certain circumstances. His words were really a different perspective from the ones that have been around me. He said he saw nothing wrong with my friend joining. It was prayer. 

Basically his advice was to remain honest and to keep allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us. Then Bro. R said there is a verse from Romans 8:28, and before he could quote it, I continued it for him: For we know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. It was the very same verse I sent to my friend earlier.

And Bro. R said now he knows why he felt he had to go to the dining hall at that moment. It was really for my benefit. And he assured me that God loves me and my friend very much. Rom 8:28. When the first student came in at 12 nn marking the end of our private conversation, I indeed felt loved so much so that God would allow me 30 minutes with an open-minded person whose advice was a relief to my toxic guilt. 

*****

Last Saturday, I found myself feeling highly emotional and unable to keep my tears in check. Let's just say calculus is a real burden sometimes... certain decisions are out of my hands... and difficult to live with. 

Then surprise, surprise, after I had recovered from my crying bout, I find my sister walking down the stairs to the library. What a consolation! It was God sending me an answer to a prayer I had not articulated because he knew I would need it.

*****

Yesterday, the same sister of mine felt the urge to go to a friend who just lost her mother. So after our graduation from Jeff Cavin's Bible Timeline (first installment), we went to the wake.

My sister had done that for me two days before. Now we were doing it for someone else in need--being a shoulder for someone to cry on. And it turned out her friend badly needed us there. The timing was perfect. Our presence was appreciated. I felt blessed to have been included in the chance to offer her comfort. 


Lord, thank you for sending us the people we need to hear your voice and feel your love. Thank you for using us to bless others. Thank you for both spiritual and biological siblings who listen to your promptings. Help us to also be more sensitive and obedient so we can participate in your love of our brothers and sisters... and maybe even lead others to do the same. This we ask in Jesus' name. Amen. 

Eternal rest grant unto the souls of the faithful departed, O Lord. Let your perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace. Amen.

Connected

When I got home for the weekend, my father greeted me with the news that we had no internet since last night. I silently and sadly thought to myself that I wouldn't be able to blog but just a few moments later, the internet came back on. Wala, kilig na naman ako. 

Thank you, Lord, for allowing the internet to come back on at the time that it did. Parang sadyang para sa akin. You really lavish me with your love. May we increase in our love for you. Mwah!

Busog!

I just want to thank you, Lord, for the many blessings of food today...

• AM gave us yummy macaroni and pan de sal for the morning snack.
• HE gave us a chocolate-covered donut that served as dessert after lunch.
• MV brought over the latest product from the SVD-ALS bakery--cinnamon roll, which the library staff and my housemate B also enjoyed.

• AM had another treat for us in the afternoon--egg sandwich on wheat bread. Filling!

Thank you, Lord, for giving us our daily bread, for the people who are instruments of your providence, and for allowing us to share your providence with others. 

Offer it up!

Despite all my good intentions, I fell for a man I cannot be with... the most telling circumstance being that he is in a committed relationship that will be permanent in a year or two.

Logic and morality are clearly on one side. Emotions are on the other. This week has been the most miserable so far... My heart still insists on wanting the wrong thing. 

But God continues to gently whisper to me even in the midst of my tears. This blog on vocation had me thinking as it posed a most challenging question: "The central question in discernment is: How shall I die with Christ, to rise with him? How will I lose my life to find it? What will bring me to the point where I can say, with St. Paul: “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me”?."

Of course reading a blog, no matter how beautiful, is not necessarily enough to make things better. Just as reading all these inspirational quotes on Facebook or posting reminders to myself to move on is sometimes not enough.

But as I was riding the jeep home tonight, God reminded me... offer it up. 

I had been denying my heart without offering God my pain. I had forgotten. All I could feel was my own weakness screaming for release. My focus had been completely on how I had to stay away. Deny myself. Take up the cross. Die on the cross. But how can I even begin to carry the cross except as a participation in the strength of Christ who did it perfectly? 

Yes, I pray. Grace still sees me through despite myself. How else have I fumbled through the week without any outer mishap? All the turmoil is inside. 

Ah, but the reminder to offer it up has greatly eased my misery. Misery that has lost sight of its redemptive value is just too burdensome. But suffering offered up... the burden is lighter because Christ has borne it all and continues to bear it with me. I am merely participating. 

Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to participate in Calvary in my own little way. I offer up all my heartaches, big and small, together with the perfect offering of your dearly beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world. For the sake of his sorrowful passion... have mercy on us and on the whole world. Amen.

Prophetic Chocolate

"Today I receive all of God's love for me...

 Today I open myself to the unbounded, limitless, overflowing abundance of  God's universe..."           

  - from The Feast Declaration of Abundance

Today, God's infinite love manifested itself in an unbounded, limitless, overflowing abundance of food... 

• For breakfast, B cooked rice and sitaw and shared it with me. 
• Upon reaching the library, I ate a piece of pan de sal from the SVD-ALS bakery with my coffee. 
• Then halfway through the morning, A handed L and me two types of rice cake each... biko and puto pao! 
• Lunch was c/o CTS. 
• During the afternoon break, P, a new CTS student I just met, gave me mamon. 
• On the way home, I bumped into some SASMA brothers and they treated me to isaw and Sparkle. 
• For dinner, B's mom cooked tilapia and veggies. There were grapes for dessert. 

And all evidence of this overflow has disappeared into my tummy without a trace except for a piece of chocolate with a prophecy of what will happen to me:

Hehehe...

Thank you, Lord, for providing not only physical nourishment but the people through whom you extend such overflow.

Productive

I am happy to report that today was a very productive day... I submitted the thesis I was helping proofread, and later that day, the journal we publish arrived from the printer. 

The timing of the journal delivery was again providential as I had just texted our printer that very morning to ask how production was going. Lo and behold, they arrive a little before 2 pm--even if our main contact had not received my text message. I am just thrilled when divine coordination is going on...  

And the most significant breakthrough for me was finally getting two critical email addresses I needed to get a particular task done--one I had been asking about for at least a year... Sometimes it can get really tough at work when there is no proper turnover and new staff members (me, three years ago) are left to figure things out based on whatever evidence is around. But now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Wahoo! =)

Earlier this month, the journals for book binding were finished and picked up. Yay! And some publishers we emailed regarding missing issues responded positively.

Ask and you shall receive... below is a picture of a May 17 answered prayer--and answered beyond what we asked because the copies were provided free. Double yay!  

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of work and the grace to be productive at work. Together with Pope Francis, we pray for the unemployed (and under-employed), that they "may receive support and find the work they need to live in dignity."

Beep! Beep! The right jeep is coming down the street...

Last week, I waited for some time for the right jeep to come along on the last leg of the route home. It took so long, my patience ran out. I ended up taking a not-exactly-right jeep part of the way so I can finally get the one I needed.

As I made my way home today, I wondered how difficult it would be at that particular stop. It was drizzling and the P65-umbrella I had bought to replace my lost one was drooping sadly. One spoke was beyond repair and the rest were misshapen and crooked.

But as soon as I had crossed the street, the second jeep that came was exactly what I needed. Yehey!

Sometimes we wait for the right jeep but it doesn't come--then we try another way. It could be more inconvenient but it still gets us to our destination. But sometimes, just when we need it the most, the right jeep comes along at exactly the right time. Providence! 

Thank you, Lord, for making it easy for me to stay dry and get home safely tonight. Hugs!