It has been quite a difficult time lately but that does not mean there are no intimate moments with God. But sorrowful intimate moments are not what I was going for when I started this blog. Still, bright moments are available for those with the eyes to see.
Last April 20, my parents and I were going to a specialist at the University of Sto. Tomas for alternative treatments to my father's persistent headache. My mother was frazzled because she was unable to get through to the cab company which kept giving a busy signal. However, as she was preparing other things for our doctor's appointment, I said a little prayer, dialed the cab company's number and amazingly got through on the first try.
Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to be of assistance to her even in small things.
Confessions of an almost-other-woman...
Rick: Now, you've got to listen to me! You have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten, we'd both wind up in a concentration camp. Isn't that true, Louie?
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Last April 20, my parents and I were going to a specialist at the University of Sto. Tomas for alternative treatments to my father's persistent headache. My mother was frazzled because she was unable to get through to the cab company which kept giving a busy signal. However, as she was preparing other things for our doctor's appointment, I said a little prayer, dialed the cab company's number and amazingly got through on the first try.
Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to be of assistance to her even in small things.
* * * * *
Confessions of an almost-other-woman...
Without intending to, I fell for someone who was already committed. Some lines were crossed, though by the mercy of God, not to the point of no return. Over the past five months, I had been hoping he would eventually choose me. Meanwhile, I still tried to make the best of things, went to confession, stayed away as much as I could, etc. But deep inside, I was still stubbornly hoping.
It has been difficult coming to terms with reality but I still believe in doing the right thing. During this time of struggle, I came across one of my favorite movies, Casablanca. It is such a rare example of doing the right thing even when our heart wants other things.
For those not familiar with the movie, spoiler alert. Believing her husband dead, Ilsa and Rick fall in love in Paris but on the day they were to go away together, Ilsa receives news that her husband Victor was only a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp and is alive. She leaves Rick without sufficient explanation and the latter becomes embittered by the experience.
As their paths cross in Casablanca, it seems Rick's bitterness at the whole affair hardens him from assisting Ilsa and Victor to escape the Nazis. But soon, Ilsa's and Rick's feelings are rekindled. Their plan is to give Victor a letter of transit so he can escape and continue leading the resistance, but Ilsa will stay with Rick in Casablanca. However, Rick discusses a different Plan B with the chief of police, Captain Renault, as his co-conspirator: Rick and Ilsa will take the letters of transit and leave Victor behind. But it turns out Rick has a Plan C.
For those not familiar with the movie, spoiler alert. Believing her husband dead, Ilsa and Rick fall in love in Paris but on the day they were to go away together, Ilsa receives news that her husband Victor was only a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp and is alive. She leaves Rick without sufficient explanation and the latter becomes embittered by the experience.
As their paths cross in Casablanca, it seems Rick's bitterness at the whole affair hardens him from assisting Ilsa and Victor to escape the Nazis. But soon, Ilsa's and Rick's feelings are rekindled. Their plan is to give Victor a letter of transit so he can escape and continue leading the resistance, but Ilsa will stay with Rick in Casablanca. However, Rick discusses a different Plan B with the chief of police, Captain Renault, as his co-conspirator: Rick and Ilsa will take the letters of transit and leave Victor behind. But it turns out Rick has a Plan C.
Rick: Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you're getting on that plane with Victor where you belong.
Ilsa: But, Richard, no, I... I...
Rick: Now, you've got to listen to me! You have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten, we'd both wind up in a concentration camp. Isn't that true, Louie?
Captain Renault: I'm afraid Major Strasser would insist.
Ilsa: You're saying this only to make me go.
Rick: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.
Ilsa: But what about us?
Rick: We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.
Ilsa: When I said I would never leave you...
Rick: And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that.
[Ilsa lowers her head and begins to cry]
Rick: Now, now...
[Rick gently places his hand under her chin and raises it so their eyes meet]
Rick: Here's looking at you kid.
Got the quote from this link.
Sometimes you just have to set aside what you feel because the right thing to do is to step aside and let Ilsa be with Victor. Even if it could mean a metaphorical death for you.
* * * * *
As I go through the grieving part of being broken-hearted, I strangely find the ending of Spider-man 3 comforting. It's the scene where Mary Jane is singing:
I'm through with love
I'll never fall again
Said adieu to love
Don't ever call again
For I must love you or no one
And so I'm through with love
Of course, in parentheses, I'm adding "at least for now." I may not have gotten Rick but maybe there is still a Victor--the one God intended for me with no sinful strings attached. Someday.
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First forty days - colon surgery and complications
Second forty days - persistent headache/ double vision
Third forty days [Lent] - temporary relief with steroids
Fourth forty days [Easter Monday - Ascension] - two admissions in the hospital, ongoing
Blessings in the midst of trials include surprising and generous sources of providence; kind nurses; supportive relatives; and prayer warriors.
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Life is a battle and my battlecry is worship (big message from current Feast: Advancers). So I will praise the Lord amidst my tears and allow him to convert me over and over again. To God be the glory.
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