Rock Bottom

February 21 was my last day at work. I resigned despite my desire to gain a degree in theology partly because of our father's health concerns.

So now all I have are unanswered questions. Where do I go? What do I do? How can I best serve my family?

And there is this feeling of failure. I invested three years of time and effort to further my education... but a thesis away from this degree, I admit defeat. "Delay" is the word I should use, they say. But this does not comfort at the moment. 

I had imagined the possibilities of teaching armed with a degree. But without it, I do not have a plan B. 

I have not lost hope. And the next series of talks at Feast PICC seems fit to address my feeling of failure. I need to figure out a plan B and fast. In the meantime, I will put my hands to work in whatever present moment I happen to be in and direct my heart to God. 

Lord, please guide and direct me so I can do what you want me to do and be what you want me to be. Help me to listen and obey. Inspire me to dream again, to plan, and to act. May the dreams you plant in my heart come true through full hard-working cooperation with your grace. This I ask in Jesus' name. Amen.

P.S. On a related note, one of my questions is where do I go to serve (the Church)? Specifically was wondering which ministry at the Feast to serve in, but in today's talk, it seems Bo is encouraging us to serve outside. 

I have been considering my first community where I fell in love with God. Maybe that's where I am supposed to be at the moment as a servant. Keep getting nourished at the Feast but serve somewhere else... maybe.

Practicing songs for mass with my original community
last Sunday.