Raining blessings

When I was a child, there were times when we would arrive at our destination just before the rain would fall. It seemed to happen more when we were on our way to or from church. The general consensus: it was divine intervention... God held off the rain just for us. 

Yesterday, it was raining just before 5 pm... so an officemate suggested we leave together in a tricycle (instead of my usual habit of walking to the highway). Since I had no umbrella, I agreed. But I wondered what I would do when I had to get off. Do I make the carton box I had taken from the library a makeshift umbrella? It was meant for moving day (today) and I needed it to be not soggy. The walk from the gate of the convent to our rented bedspace was long enough to get wet and soggy.

Amazingly, when I got to my destination... no rain. Thank you, Lord!

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Blessing 2. I had been alone in the convent's boarding house this summer because my housemates are also students, but unlike me, they have summer vacation. However, the week before I was to move out, the sisters had their week-long retreat and I had two of my former CTS classmates as housemates. We had a bit of bonding time last night. It was such a blessing to have them for company on our last night in the house. Again, thank you, Lord!

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Blessing 3. Successful moving out day... My sister and Q_____ helped me out. With 1 box of books, 3 polka dotted bags, 2 Puregold bags, 1 Healthy Options bag, 1 zip lock plastic bag, 2 plastic bags, and 1 canvass bag, she certainly saved me from inconvenient multiple tricycle trips! Thank you, E____, Q_____, and thank you, Lord!

Salamat din po for the blessing of the family I am moving in with. I just lift them up to you and pray for your comfort and consolation.

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Blessing 4. My priest-mentor-boss came down for a surprise visit. Because of an unexpected job offer, I ended up having a brief heart-to-heart talk with him which left me relieved. We are on the same page. Finish the journal. Finish my master's degree. Thank you pa rin, Lord... thank you for the gift of Fr. R, the gift of education, and the gift of affirmation... 

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Blessing 5. I just learned I had my best sem ever... 95 in Wisdom, 99 in Prophetic Lit, 99 in Biblical Apostolate, and 100 in Methodology. Wow! Salamat pa rin, Lord!!!

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Blessing 6. I came home and found a World Vision envelope waiting for me. Apparently, my sponsored child has finished high school! Wow! I only sponsored him for a few years when I still had steady pay but it was gratifying to still receive a congratulatory note from World Vision updating me on his progress. Ang galing naman! Salamat, Lord!

Sheer grace

Remember that little parable, about the sower in a field and how the seed fell on rocky ground, thorny ground and good soil?

Well, this little plant had me remembering the seed that fell on rocky soil. Except this plant is growing in a little crack in the wall. And I reflect that God's love is simply so amazing, just a little crack in our stony heart is enough for his word to begin growing. It is sheer grace. There is nothing in the stony wall-heart to sustain life, but a crack is enough--and life will come. All God needs is a crack. A tiny bit of us to say, yes.

However, if we become content with remaining as we are, God's word is limited. The plant can only grow so high. It is stunted. Alive but stunted.

Unlike the stony wall (which would best remain a stony wall--let's keep the building intact!), our heart can be changed into a heart of flesh. And when that happens, the word that has begun growing will continue to transform us and make the world a better place.

Thank you, Lord, that all you really need is a crack. I trust that you will continue the work you have begun and transform my stony heart into one of flesh, a heart that loves you back with all I am.

Love from above

A breakthrough thought for me in my discernment...

As I was treating myself to breakfast yesterday morning, I was thinking that no man can love me the way God loves me. I sometimes have this thought when I am thinking of the reasons why I should not have a crush on someone, trying to think myself out of my feelings. However, this time, the train of thought was followed by... "but a man can love me as God loves me if God infuses him with His own love." What is true love after all but a theological virtue whose only source is God?

Similarly, I can love only if God loves through me. This has been a block for me because I have been telling myself that I do not know how to love so anyone interested in me would be better off without me. But now... I realize I have to trust God to love for me and through me for only Jesus loving in me can actually love for real. What a relief! To rely not on my merit but on the merit of Jesus' perfection. 

A virtuous childlessness has been my goal recently, in the sense that I've been trying even more to be chaste in my thoughts. Before, I kind of just accepted that I fail in this area and it's okay because at least it's only in my thoughts... I'm still trying am I not? But then again, Jesus did say that to look lustfully at someone is already adultery. So I have to really aim for purity in thought. I still fail often but I no longer tell myself na "okay lang 'yun." Sa totoo lang, hindi siya okay. To fulfill my vocation, I really have to put chastity into practice.

I no longer think I will be a nun. But it is freeing for me to believe that God will empower me to be a holy single person or a holy married person. Holiness is the goal; God's grace is the key.

Lord, if you want me to be married, please infuse the man You have in mind for me with Your love so he could love me for real, with passion and conviction in the face of obstacles. Similarly, please infuse me with Your love so I could love for real, with courage and selflessness, whether single or no. Forgive me for my shortcomings. Please bless my hunger for holiness with Your own righteousness. Thank you for your faithfulness. May I become faithful to You. This I ask in Jesus' name. Amen.

Just in time 2

Today's little miracle was that I made it to mass on time. 

Normally, it takes an hour for me to get to Alabang from our house. I left at 2:50 pm, wondering how I was going to make the 4 pm mass in the Sucat area. We were visiting family there for a get-together around 5 pm. It was my fault--I had been lazing about all morning but there it was.

I did pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet at 3 pm. God heard my request for forgiveness and punctuality. Traffic flowed smoothly (a rather rare occurrence!), I got the rides I needed quickly, and by the time I stepped out of the tricycle, the lector began speaking. Mass was just about to start. 

Whew! Made it. Thank you, Lord!

Moving on

This is my first post that will not be sharing a kilig moment. I'm actually feeling on the low side. 

The truth is... I discovered accidentally that the young man I have been admiring may also have feelings for me. Circumstances being what they are, the right thing to do is to leave it alone... let it die a natural death. But knowing what I know strengthens my feelings and makes it harder to let him go. 

Eternity. Eternity is the goal. Just a few more years of loneliness... kaunti na lang... I could be more than halfway to the end of the finish line. Just keep running the race. It's a marathon. Eternity is the goal. Stay focused on Jesus.

Kulang lang ito sa dasal. I just need to pray more. But in the meantime, I will feel my sadness and grieve a little. 

Just in time

My sister had given me a watch about two Christmases ago but recently the strap had broken. I started carrying it around in my bag but could not wear it. 

     Last Monday, I participated in the 2nd Tagaytay Youth Day as a judge. One of the token gifts they had for us was a Pirates of the Caribbean watch! 

     Thank you, Lord, for the new free watch.   

Nahum means "consolation"

It's been a while since my last blog but something happened yesterday... one of those answered prayers that come as only God's answers can come.

It all started with a prayer I co-led with a groupmate in our Biblical Apostolate class the day before. The reading was from Mark; the story was about the woman who touched Jesus to be healed. Because this story is a very personal one for me, I knew there was a possibility that I would cry... and true enough, all the emotional things I like to keep inside started leaking out during the prayer, after the class, and even when I was already at the dorm, three hours after class had ended. 

By that time, I was no longer simply leaking... the dam was cracked and I could not stop crying. My sweet Vietnamese roommate listened, encouraged and gave advice. I tried to get it together and washed my face. We had dinner, studied, and eventually went to bed.

The next day was our class in Prophetic Literature. The prophet for the day was Nahum, a name which means "consolation."

After office hours, I was still at the library trying to get some academic work done, when lo and behold, my priest-boss said he was going to Las Piñas. Do I want to come?  

YES!

I had dinner at home with my family, saw my sister without crutches (she is recovering from a fractured toe), and ate to my heart's content. My sweet mother dropped me off near the pick up point where I met my companions to go back to Tagaytay. 

That was the answer to my prayer. I reconnected with the people I needed to reconnect with. My homesickness was eased, my need to go home without spending was answered. Plus, I got pens for our planned activity on Sunday. Wow. 

Thank you, Lord. Sana I would respond to your lavish love with all the love in my heart--you deserve nothing less. Sorry for my shortcomings. Change me and make me yours completely.