My father's side of the family joke often about our seemingly genetic weakness--what is euphemistically called an artistic temperament. I struggled with my own version of it, which in my younger days manifested as an all-day neighborhood-shaking tantrum when I was left at my grandmother's; non-stop crying when a moving truck convoyed with my father's car (my mother explains I must have thought we were being kidnapped or something); and flying off the handle over a can of milk punctured the wrong side up. I recall being very, very upset over a three-day blackout and missing Saturday morning cartoons.
Fortunately, a turning point in my faith journey (a Life in the Spirit Seminar) contributed so much to my conversion. Experiencing God as a gentle embrace was a paradigm shift and over time, I have grown to be a better person.
Some people who got to know me after my conversion experience have given me positive feedback. One person once told me I have a gentle spirit. The most generous compliment I ever received was one person telling me that my silence resembled that of Mary's (maybe of Bethany?). Wow. What a turnaround from where I had been!
But the truth of the matter is, I am aware of my temper still lurking underneath the surface.
As the holidays brought more family time, the choice of being who you are came to the fore for me.
One of the family members I dearly love threw what I would describe as a tantrum. And while I understood the hurt and the pain behind it, the larger part of me was actually unsympathetic. I was thinking, you are an adult now. You can handle your pain better than that.
And that thought hardened my heart and I found my temper more ready to flare. And when my temper did flare, the other person backed down and I got my way.
I jokingly told my mother, this is the lesson I am learning this holiday season. Unahan ng init ng ulo. The person with the worst temper wins.
But after witnessing one of my loved ones throw the worst unexplained sulking tantrum in decades, I realized... I don't want to die a masungit person. Even if that person probably gets more of their way than the meek and gentle person, I would rather die a nicer version of myself. And the choice is in my hands.
As the new year is ushered in, may we all make choices to be the better versions of ourselves especially when it is most difficult.
Lord, I have lost my patience with the people around me. I'm sorry. Please renew my patience. Help me to be merciful as you are always merciful to me. This I ask in Jesus' name. Amen.
Fortunately, a turning point in my faith journey (a Life in the Spirit Seminar) contributed so much to my conversion. Experiencing God as a gentle embrace was a paradigm shift and over time, I have grown to be a better person.
Some people who got to know me after my conversion experience have given me positive feedback. One person once told me I have a gentle spirit. The most generous compliment I ever received was one person telling me that my silence resembled that of Mary's (maybe of Bethany?). Wow. What a turnaround from where I had been!
But the truth of the matter is, I am aware of my temper still lurking underneath the surface.
As the holidays brought more family time, the choice of being who you are came to the fore for me.
One of the family members I dearly love threw what I would describe as a tantrum. And while I understood the hurt and the pain behind it, the larger part of me was actually unsympathetic. I was thinking, you are an adult now. You can handle your pain better than that.
And that thought hardened my heart and I found my temper more ready to flare. And when my temper did flare, the other person backed down and I got my way.
I jokingly told my mother, this is the lesson I am learning this holiday season. Unahan ng init ng ulo. The person with the worst temper wins.
But after witnessing one of my loved ones throw the worst unexplained sulking tantrum in decades, I realized... I don't want to die a masungit person. Even if that person probably gets more of their way than the meek and gentle person, I would rather die a nicer version of myself. And the choice is in my hands.
As the new year is ushered in, may we all make choices to be the better versions of ourselves especially when it is most difficult.
Lord, I have lost my patience with the people around me. I'm sorry. Please renew my patience. Help me to be merciful as you are always merciful to me. This I ask in Jesus' name. Amen.
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