Discernment

• Last Thursday, our music ministry head gave us an assessment. I was told I needed to embrace authority more. I agree with her assessment but it made me question whether I was really in the right ministry.
  I used to embrace authority when I was in the intercessory ministry. No problem there. Maybe I should move on from the music ministry to somewhere else?
  A friend said of course, it's harder to embrace authority while you're on stage versus when you're praying privately in your own room. It doesn't necessarily mean you are in the wrong ministry, it could be that you just need to give it time so you can get better.
• Someone gave me an Ipod, the kind you can program with playlists. I was grateful. This would be useful in learning songs. I was looking forward to using it. It got stolen before I could.
  Prior to that I was asking God if the gift was a sign I should continue being in the music min. Funny.
• Yesterday, I felt I was having an off day during the service. I could not explain it. It was like the anointing was gone. I'd like to think my heart is still the same but the external aspect of it just didn't follow.
• During the same assessment given by our music min head, we were given time off from the morning service so we would miss being part of the frontliners. But I don't miss that part. I missed being part of the chorus but I somehow still botched that despite my desire to do well. I was at my worst. Why???
• I will soon be replaced as coordinator of the chorus. I have already indicated my intention to leave other Feast-related groups that I serve. So there is time and space for me to make a move to wherever God wants me to go...

• On the other hand, two weeks ago, my theology professor asked me to give a report on Ruth. I don't think he's done that for this semester so I'm feeling rather privileged. Maybe I'm doing something right.
• Last Saturday, I sang during the mass for our theology group. People were very appreciative. I missed singing liturgical songs in the traditional style. What a contrast to the next day's fiasco (for me personally anyway) in our charismatic style mass/worship.
• Is it possible that the anointing is somewhere else? Should I follow anointing to... where?

• When I asked a theology classmate (who is a nun), how she received her call, one word struck me from her sharing. Emptiness. God was calling her through the emptiness she felt in her life before entering the convent.

• Still, my theme song is... I will follow you.
  Where you go, I'll go. Where you stay, I'll stay. When you move, I'll move. I will follow you. Whom you love, I'll love. How you serve, I'll serve. If this life I lose, I will follow you.

• An article to ponder ("Are you being called" by Fr. Anthony Bannon)... http://www.adorationsisters.org/called.html. What struck me the most is one of his practical tips on overcoming the fear of the call: "Another is to shake of all spiritual narcissism. Stop thinking about yourself and your gifts. Think about how best you can help others and Christ. Do not seek personal comfort."