Am I supposed to get married, stay single or be a nun? What do I do with my life?
In an attempt to answer my question, I stayed for seven days (with one day actually spent in Theology class) with the Augustinian Sisters Servants of Jesus and Mary.
I was assigned to read Mark 6: 45-52. The first day I was reflecting on this, the phrase that struck me was about their hearts being hardened. To protect myself, I had been hardening my heart towards a particular man whom in truth, my heart is set on but against whom I put up my walls.
During my prayer time, a memory came flashing back about this time I prayed for a man I did not know. While praying for him, I received an impression: "This man will be your husband." At the time, I argued with God (I believed it was God) because I was with (or maybe was almost with... I can't quite recall) my boyfriend at the time. In any case, I was thinking it was the same man my heart is set on today. Let's just call him CK for future reference.
While I stayed in the house of God, it just struck me what a privilege it was to sleep in such a house where the tabernacle is. On my last three days, I would wake up in the middle of the night and I would just sit there in God's presence. I did not wake up on my own. It was like God tugging at my sleeve asking for a date even if I would say, antok ako Lord. Ang kulit. Ang saya. Yes, Jesus loves me tremendously.
So my heart is divided between how attractive religious life is to me today and how set my heart has been and continues to be set on CK.
The religious sister guiding me discussed an action step I can take to clarify my discernment. Details to follow when the action has been done and the next page unfolds.
In the meantime, this is what God assured me of during the search-in. He will be with me in whatever path I choose.
Sr. Sayong told me that our primary vocation is to be holy. Secondary vocation lang ang marriage, single-blessedness or religious life.
I felt assurance from God that one vocation is not necessarily superior to another. I am free to choose. But which vocation is really for me, suited for me, so I can be holy? Which path of service on the way to holiness will bless the world in Jesus' name?
Sr. Sayong also said if in entering the religious life you become a baser person instead of a more holy person, it would be better for you not to enter.
So now I have a better perspective on the whole thing but still no clear-cut path.
Father, please empower me to follow the way of sacrificial love wherever it may lead. To follow the poor, chaste and obedient Jesus wherever you want me to go, by your grace. This I ask in Jesus' name. Amen.
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On a last-minute decision, my brother came home briefly during the weekend I was with the Augustinians. I was resigned to the fact that I would not see him but by the grace of God, I was able to see him for a few minutes, give him a hug and ask him to pray for me. Unplanned and unexpected. Thank you, Lord =)
In an attempt to answer my question, I stayed for seven days (with one day actually spent in Theology class) with the Augustinian Sisters Servants of Jesus and Mary.
I was assigned to read Mark 6: 45-52. The first day I was reflecting on this, the phrase that struck me was about their hearts being hardened. To protect myself, I had been hardening my heart towards a particular man whom in truth, my heart is set on but against whom I put up my walls.
During my prayer time, a memory came flashing back about this time I prayed for a man I did not know. While praying for him, I received an impression: "This man will be your husband." At the time, I argued with God (I believed it was God) because I was with (or maybe was almost with... I can't quite recall) my boyfriend at the time. In any case, I was thinking it was the same man my heart is set on today. Let's just call him CK for future reference.
While I stayed in the house of God, it just struck me what a privilege it was to sleep in such a house where the tabernacle is. On my last three days, I would wake up in the middle of the night and I would just sit there in God's presence. I did not wake up on my own. It was like God tugging at my sleeve asking for a date even if I would say, antok ako Lord. Ang kulit. Ang saya. Yes, Jesus loves me tremendously.
So my heart is divided between how attractive religious life is to me today and how set my heart has been and continues to be set on CK.
The religious sister guiding me discussed an action step I can take to clarify my discernment. Details to follow when the action has been done and the next page unfolds.
In the meantime, this is what God assured me of during the search-in. He will be with me in whatever path I choose.
Sr. Sayong told me that our primary vocation is to be holy. Secondary vocation lang ang marriage, single-blessedness or religious life.
While browsing online this morning (seven days without an internet connection was probably the toughest thing for me during the search-in, hehe), I ran into this article http://www.catholic.com/magazine/articles/a-meditation-on-a-mature-marriage which made me think... the common denominator among the vocations is sacrificial love.
I felt assurance from God that one vocation is not necessarily superior to another. I am free to choose. But which vocation is really for me, suited for me, so I can be holy? Which path of service on the way to holiness will bless the world in Jesus' name?
Sr. Sayong also said if in entering the religious life you become a baser person instead of a more holy person, it would be better for you not to enter.
So now I have a better perspective on the whole thing but still no clear-cut path.
Father, please empower me to follow the way of sacrificial love wherever it may lead. To follow the poor, chaste and obedient Jesus wherever you want me to go, by your grace. This I ask in Jesus' name. Amen.
-----------
On a last-minute decision, my brother came home briefly during the weekend I was with the Augustinians. I was resigned to the fact that I would not see him but by the grace of God, I was able to see him for a few minutes, give him a hug and ask him to pray for me. Unplanned and unexpected. Thank you, Lord =)
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