Sheer grace

Remember that little parable, about the sower in a field and how the seed fell on rocky ground, thorny ground and good soil?

Well, this little plant had me remembering the seed that fell on rocky soil. Except this plant is growing in a little crack in the wall. And I reflect that God's love is simply so amazing, just a little crack in our stony heart is enough for his word to begin growing. It is sheer grace. There is nothing in the stony wall-heart to sustain life, but a crack is enough--and life will come. All God needs is a crack. A tiny bit of us to say, yes.

However, if we become content with remaining as we are, God's word is limited. The plant can only grow so high. It is stunted. Alive but stunted.

Unlike the stony wall (which would best remain a stony wall--let's keep the building intact!), our heart can be changed into a heart of flesh. And when that happens, the word that has begun growing will continue to transform us and make the world a better place.

Thank you, Lord, that all you really need is a crack. I trust that you will continue the work you have begun and transform my stony heart into one of flesh, a heart that loves you back with all I am.

Love from above

A breakthrough thought for me in my discernment...

As I was treating myself to breakfast yesterday morning, I was thinking that no man can love me the way God loves me. I sometimes have this thought when I am thinking of the reasons why I should not have a crush on someone, trying to think myself out of my feelings. However, this time, the train of thought was followed by... "but a man can love me as God loves me if God infuses him with His own love." What is true love after all but a theological virtue whose only source is God?

Similarly, I can love only if God loves through me. This has been a block for me because I have been telling myself that I do not know how to love so anyone interested in me would be better off without me. But now... I realize I have to trust God to love for me and through me for only Jesus loving in me can actually love for real. What a relief! To rely not on my merit but on the merit of Jesus' perfection. 

A virtuous childlessness has been my goal recently, in the sense that I've been trying even more to be chaste in my thoughts. Before, I kind of just accepted that I fail in this area and it's okay because at least it's only in my thoughts... I'm still trying am I not? But then again, Jesus did say that to look lustfully at someone is already adultery. So I have to really aim for purity in thought. I still fail often but I no longer tell myself na "okay lang 'yun." Sa totoo lang, hindi siya okay. To fulfill my vocation, I really have to put chastity into practice.

I no longer think I will be a nun. But it is freeing for me to believe that God will empower me to be a holy single person or a holy married person. Holiness is the goal; God's grace is the key.

Lord, if you want me to be married, please infuse the man You have in mind for me with Your love so he could love me for real, with passion and conviction in the face of obstacles. Similarly, please infuse me with Your love so I could love for real, with courage and selflessness, whether single or no. Forgive me for my shortcomings. Please bless my hunger for holiness with Your own righteousness. Thank you for your faithfulness. May I become faithful to You. This I ask in Jesus' name. Amen.

Just in time 2

Today's little miracle was that I made it to mass on time. 

Normally, it takes an hour for me to get to Alabang from our house. I left at 2:50 pm, wondering how I was going to make the 4 pm mass in the Sucat area. We were visiting family there for a get-together around 5 pm. It was my fault--I had been lazing about all morning but there it was.

I did pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet at 3 pm. God heard my request for forgiveness and punctuality. Traffic flowed smoothly (a rather rare occurrence!), I got the rides I needed quickly, and by the time I stepped out of the tricycle, the lector began speaking. Mass was just about to start. 

Whew! Made it. Thank you, Lord!