- I am not worth loving. Not worth marrying. That's why I'm still single at 37 years old. My ex-boyfriend knows it better than anyone. Isn't that why he would not choose to marry me now even if he could because someone is better marriage material than me? And this ex is one of the best guys I know. Plus, he knows me better than anyone. And he chooses someone else.
- After so many years of working, I have no financial success to speak of. None of my previous employers rave about me and want me back. It's just a lackluster career that feels empty.
- I'm a terrible servant. I leave many things undone. My heart is full of darkness.
This and other similar thoughts were going through my head. Over and over. Like a broken record.
"Lord, I need affirmation!" I cried out to Him. The song (by Planetshakers) that resonated with my heart during this time of desolation said:
Jesus, I'm desperate for You
Jesus, I'm hungry for You
Jesus, I'm longing for You
Lord You are all I want...
Come like a flood and saturate me now
You're all I want
Come like a wind and sweep throughout this place
You're all we want
"Lord," I beg Him, "I need saturation..."
The next day, one of our chorus brothers in Christ tells me that God has a message for me.
He begins by saying when you keep giving and giving, sometimes you have nothing left to give. You are left empty. "You need saturation," he tells me. Spend time with God, he says.
Then for some reason he goes on to say, "I don't know what God's plans for you are. But I see that you would make a good partner for someone."
Wow! I wipe at my tears.
After the service, he approaches me. He says God has a message for me: "He sees you as one of his angels. Not literally with wings. He sees your heart, your willingness to serve. You are one of his angels."
Grateful tears leak out of me. I can't help it. When I cry out to God, He answers... oh so tenderly.
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