Last Monday, I was at the Ateneo to listen to the doctoral dissertation of my mentor-boss, Fr. R. When I arrived, the first familiar face I saw was Sr. B, my professor in Pauline literature. Thanks to her, I reached the right room without difficulty.
After the dissertation, I was going to meet my sister in Makati for our Bible Timeline module, spearheaded by the Light of Jesus Family (LOJ), which was scheduled for that evening. Thanks to my theology classmate (CTS), KB, I got on the right jeep for the most efficient route to the venue. Thanks, KB!
I was being guided to the right places... Sr. B and KB were my guides.
Earlier, during our post-dissertation bonding over Italian food, KB and I were discussing various things. For my part, I shared with her how I was having difficulty figuring out what to do with my life, especially when I finish my thesis.
I have various options in mind, one of which is if I go back to LOJ (Light of Jesus Family), where and how will I serve? This question seems to be the first one answered...
After the first Bible Timeline session was over, the facilitators for the next 23 weeks were going to be oriented, including my sister. She was inviting me to be a facilitator too but I declined since I preferred to participate first--plus, I used to serve at PICC and planned to serve there again, not at Makati Feast.
As they were being oriented, I sat at the back and listened--just in case I would be a facilitator in the future. But the person giving the talk remembered me from PICC Feast and called me by name, told everyone basically that I was studying theology, and invited me to sit up front and be a facilitator as well. How could I say no? I'd like to think of it as an answered prayer in my asking God about where he wants me to go next and how I can use what has been given to me. The happiness in my heart was overflowing... I realized as I was doing the assignment later in the week that my studies in sacred scripture would allow me to be a well-informed facilitator. Finally... a venue to share some of the things I have been blessed to learn!
Still, I am so conflicted at the moment. I want to serve the mentor who has so generously supported my studies. I am also being invited to serve in another department in the seminary. And still another colleague from media is inviting me to go back to our company.
Maybe I have crossed off one option... May is approaching. That is the time when the ASSJM will be receiving aspirants. If I'm going to give religious life a try, this would have been the ideal time to take the leap. However, since I committed to the LOJ bible study, I have in fact effectively chosen to remain outside. Besides, the possibility of sharing some Hebrew or Greek or ANE knowledge with LOJ filled me with such joy, I can only surmise it was divine inspiration guiding me to the right path.
The remaining uncertainty is a tense knot in my being. I don't know what to do. How do I make this decision? However, I will try to remember... when I seek the Kingdom of God, he will not let me go unguided. He will let himself be found. He will lead me to the right choices, the right places, the right people.
In the meantime, I will heed my mother's advice: finish your thesis!
Lord, thank you for the successful defense of Fr. Dr. RCF. Thank you for giving him to us as a guide to sacred scripture, together with all of our talented professors over the past three years: Fr. T, Sr. B, Sr. M, Sr. N, and so many more...
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to study. Please help me to make the best decision regarding how to use your blessings for your purpose... what to do... where to serve... and please, please provide for my finances. Breaking point na ko, Lord. Kayo na sana bahala. I surrender the uncertainty of everything into your merciful hands. May your will be done. Amen.
