That I may see

Flashes of light. That's how my father described it. The doctor he was describing the symptoms to asked him to come by the clinic the next day for an official consult.

It was retinal detachment. If left untreated, it could lead to blindness.

My father doesn't like going to the doctor. I would even say he's afraid of them. Yesterday, he underwent laser treatment -- the eyes are zapped with a laser so the retina will once again be stuck in its proper place. It is done with your eyes literally wide open. You are awake, your pupils are dilated because of drops they give you, and they zap away. When he was describing it, I was the one who was afraid.

During the time of the procedure, I was praying for him at the office. I felt calm. There was a real reassurance that everything would be okay.

I had asked my friends from my communities to pray. I later learned that a family friend, Sister Mary Alice, a religious missionary from Brazil, was also with my parents during the time. Her flight had been cancelled due to a storm so her presence and prayers were with us, another powerful prayer warrior on our side.

By the grace of God, my Tatay was calm. I believe it was the peace of Christ. Tatay said Jesus was beside Him so he could do it. Wow! That's true sight. Spiritual vision.

Not only that, things worked together so that the financial aspect was reduced significantly. The doctor generously waived his professional fee and the clinic allowed a week for my sister to do the paperwork to avail of Philhealth benefits. Providence.

Thank you, Lord, for the successful treatment of my Tatay. I also thank you for healing my choirmate's mom who will undergo cataract surgery this weekend. We claim full healing and restoration of our parents' vision -- both physical and spiritual -- in Jesus' mighty name. Amen.

Praise You, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. All glory and honor is Yours.

Thank you, Lord, for eyes to see the present beauty
You created, continue to create and will create.
(This plant is gone, swept away by the flood waters of Falcon.
But it was appreciated when it was alive.)

Eternal rest grant unto Jeamor Bautista who passed away this July 25 and Rey Reyes who celebrated his birth anniversary yesterday. May their eyes gaze upon You face to face. Let your perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace. Amen.

Lord, grant us the spiritual vision of gratitude to see Your hand at work in our lives. Grant us eyes of compassion to see others and ourselves as You do. And grant that one day, we will, by the merits of Jesus' perfect sacrifice, look upon You face to face to sing Your praises for eternity. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.

Who defines your worth?

In my June 26 blog I described my struggle with thoughts of worthlessness...

"I am often overwhelmed by doubts, fears and insecurities. Recently, I was on the down side of things. I was crying in my room, crying out to God...

• I am not worth loving. Not worth marrying. That's why I'm still single at 37 years old. My ex-boyfriend knows it better than anyone. Isn't that why he would not choose to marry me now even if he could because someone is better marriage material than me? And this ex is one of the best guys I know. Plus, he knows me better than anyone. And he chooses someone else.

I had let this experience define my worth. But during the Feast at the PICC, I felt God talk to me. When Bro. Bo said let God surgically remove those things which are keeping us from finishing strong, I felt I should surrender my wrong belief.

• How could you let a man define your worth? Am I not more than man? And did I not die for you on the cross precisely because you are worth loving? I say so. I am who am says so.  

Father, forgive me for letting a man define my worth. Forgive me for my idolatry. You are indeed God of the universe. You created all. You are the ultimate authority. You are the one who defines my worth. And You say I am worth dying for. I am worth the life of Your Son. I will no longer argue. I will believe. Thank You for loving me.

Conflict and cheesecake

• I disagreed with how our chorus master increased our practice days and used them exclusively to focus on one song without spending any time on the other worship songs -- two of which were new and (I felt) were at the heart of the message we were trying to convey.
  . 
• Intellect, will, imagination, emotions, sexual power. In case of conflict between any of the above, follow the heirarchy: intellect, will, imagination, emotions, sexual power. So says our theology teacher.
  .
• I'm in the music ministry to serve God first and not our human leader; I should have stayed faithful in my service regardless of how I felt. After all, it's not everyday you actually feel happy and perky and willing to serve. There are days you drag your feet because your heart is heavy. Those are opportune days to offer God a better sacrifice.
  
  Unfortunately, I let my emotions rule me on the day of service (7/3/11). I may have had a point for my feelings of anger but I chose to let the anger master me instead of me mastering my anger. I simply chose not to serve. Still, the mercy of God is relentless. It overtook me as I was walking alone in a nearby mall after the service (I was present as an attendee). One of my choir mates was there and we ended up talking together and eating cheesecake. I was no longer alone. God allowed me to connect with someone. And over yummy food. What more can one ask?
  .

• .
• The next day, we had a rehearsal for a worship concert. Our chorus master asked me how I was.
  
  "Galit ako sa 'yo," I said matter-of-factly and said my piece. He explained his decision was a technical one and nothing personal. And I said my anger was not personal. I just felt passionately about the other songs. Call it creative differences.
  
  By the grace of God, I swallowed my pride and apologized for not showing up at all. In the past, I would have insisted that I was right and he was wrong. Only God knows how badly things could have gone.
  
  He forgave me. I think we were a little extra nice to each other after that.
  
  Thank you, Lord. =)

Wooed

Syempre kinikilig ako when I see flowers from my Beloved...

Okay, hindi siya flower, but I just had to include this because sunshine on my shoulder, when filtered through trees, makes me happy. =)

Thank you, Lord. I love you, too. Mwah! =)