Reflections on Vocation - part 1

For the past week, I think God has been making things clearer about what direction I ought to take. 

It all began last Saturday while I was attending CTS class--Kingdom of God and Mission. Perhaps it was something the professor said but instead of focusing on the lecture, I found myself daydreaming about how I wanted to participate in this missio Dei. How I, E _ _ _ _ S _ _ _ _ _, could write in the horror genre for young adults as a Filipina writer in the footsteps of Tolkien-Gaiman, producing works that at heart are all about Christ. 

The idea was tantalizing. Could it be that this was my niche in the greater scheme of things? If I could be a successful writer, then I could participate in the things I would really like to do. There would be both time and money to volunteer in GK, sing in the choir or facilitate SRA for kids... there are just so many possibilities!

That night, I attended a vocation festival held at Rogationist. At two of the booths I visited, there was a glass bowl of rolled up pieces of paper with a scripture verse or quotation that you could pick out. At the first booth, I returned the paper because it did not speak to me. But at the other booth, the words leaped out and seemed to confirm the morning's inspiration. 

"Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire!" - St. Catherine of Siena. 

And in the two days I was at the Kerygma Conference, the message was confirmed, reinforced, and dare I say, anointed?

On day one, Fr. Raniero Cantalamesa, OFMCap, gave the first plenary talk. Reflecting back on it, I believe God was reminding me to immerse myself in him, to ask the Holy Spirit to empower me, for ministry must come from an overflow.

"... stay in the city until you are clothed with power from on high." - Luke 24:49

The first verse, the key to the conference, was taken from Phil 4:13:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

I was being reminded that I needed constant renewal. It is not a one-time thing. Fr. Cantalemesa recommended we pray daily to the Holy Spirit (Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and enkindle in us the fire of your love...). Connect to the power source. Seek first the Kingdom. All else will follow.

From the plenary, I proceeded to the first class I chose for the day: Forming a Winning Team: Maximizing Your Members for Ministry. The speakers were Bro. Obet Cabrillas, Benedict Hernandez and Ghika Bernabe. 

What struck me from this class was the role of mission in team building. A clear mission made the difference between a ho-hum job and capturing people's passion and purpose to propel everyone to strive for a common goal. 

My take from this talk is: give people a clear vision of how they participate in God's mission and you will have captured their passion and purpose; the team will give all they've got to get the prize--which in our case is the crown of life (the crown-of-life insight actually came from the next class, but it just seemed so connected, I had to mention it here).

Other learnings to remember: it's okay to ask for help; recruit a person who is best at your weakness; when you've reached one goal, set the bar higher--new mission, next mission.

The next class I picked out was: Meeting Your Members' Deepest Needs. The speakers were Fr. Steve Tynan and Bro. Jon Escoto.  

What struck me from this class was that each person's ultimate need is salvation. So in everything I do, it has to somehow help someone get to heaven... "facilitate the conversion of hearts," even when it means speaking the painful truth. From the depth of true conversion, holiness of life--and everything else--flows."

Conversion does not come at the snap of a finger. It is a process. And it is painful. But to choose a false peace--keeping quiet to let another person go about making sinful choices at the cost of his or her soul would be doing that person a great disservice. May we choose faithfulness over popularity. 

But the balance to this teaching is to know our limitations and boundaries. We are not supposed to intrude. But when we are asked, then we can come in and hopefully speak the truth with love to facilitate the ongoing process of conversion. Meet the person's deepest need--eternal life.

The plenary talk by Fr. Dave Concepcion reinforced the message for me. 

1. Stay focused.

Focus on the prize--eternal life. We are only pilgrims in the world. Remember what we are really after.

2. Know your priorities.

What will bring you to heaven? Is what I am doing bringing me (and others) closer to God? If not, drop it like a hot potato. 

3. Live a balanced life - ora et labora

Pray as if everything depends on God; work as if everything depends on you.

4. Choose to be brave.

Make painful decisions for God. 

(to be continued...)

My new age sense is tingling...

I'm growing in my love for God on the intellectual level, but it was in the charismatic renewal that I first fell in love with God on an emotional level. I wanted to express myself in charismatic worship again--bring in more heart to enrich reason.  

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words." - Romans 8:26

The charismatic renewal has brought this verse to life--when I use the gift of tongues that the Spirit has given, then I experience the truth of Romans 8:26. The Spirit intercedes on my behalf "with sighs to deep for words." 

So when the opportunity of "open service" presented itself (i.e., study the songs on your own, no practice required), I plucked up the courage to serve in the choir despite my long absence. Thus, for the last two Sundays, I have been blessed to worship as a music minister.  

However, even before coming to the service, I was troubled by a song's lyrics in the line up we were studying. It was an original composition and the lyrics spoke about being empowered by God. Most of it was okay but the catchy chorus had me thinking twice:

I am invincible, unstoppable

Untouchable, I'm powerful

Coz you are God 

You're alive in me

Jesus Christ strengthen me

Holy Spirit empower me

You are God

You're alive in me

I'm invincible

It seems like a good message but I was thinking... even if you abide in God and God abides in you, that does not make us human beings invincible. If for some strange reason a sniper chose to shoot a music minister through the heart while the latter was singing this song, barring a miracle, the natural laws would allow that person to be injured at the very least, maybe even die.

Honestly, I find it difficult to sing this song with conviction. In my heart, what I know to be true is that I am limited but in my weakness, God's strength is made manifest. St. Paul writes:

"but he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9 

Singing that "I am invincible" does not seem like boasting of my weakness. Am I boasting of God's power? I hope so. But I prefer to sing it directly... You are invincible, you are unstoppable, you are untouchable, you are powerful. Ikaw na, Lord!

*****

My new age sense is tingling...

I am allergic to anything new age much like a reformed alcoholic might shun the smell of alcohol.

So again, at the PICC Feast, I was troubled by portions of the talk that seemed to have a touch of new age thinking.

Basically the message was everything will be alright because God is with us. But what had me praying that people were not being misled was when Bro. Bo Sanchez led us into prayer by asking people to imagine that our spirit was leaving our body and going up to God so we could have the right perspective--which included seeing the future God has planned for you. It just seemed to me like an opening for astral projection, with the addition of trying to divine the future through the disguise of prayer.

I enjoy being at the Feast because it gives me a dose of positivity but no community is perfect. I just hope no one is being misled down the new age path of trying to be God, having their will be done, visualizing their goals and dreams, and gung-ho about accomplishing it all without ever asking: what does God want?

Lord, you know all things. I may not understand what is really going on in my leaders' minds and hearts but I surrender them into your loving hands. I hope they are still following you faithfully and not being misled by the desire to have so many members. Purge any false prophets from our midst who preach only what people want to hear, and neglecting to speak what you wish to be said. Put your words in the mouths of our leaders, Lord, even the painful truth so that we may truly follow you even when it is difficult. This we ask in Jesus' name. Amen. 

[Blog entry duplicated in Rock on!]

Call for help

Post from the JPIC coordinator (SVD Philippine Central Province), Fr. Rod Salazar, SVD:

Bohol is badly in need of relief assistance such as food, water and other basic needs due to the 7.2 earthquake and hundreds of aftershocks afterwards. Roads and bridges are not passable that isolate some affected areas. People have not been given immediate medical attention which may increase the present death toll of around 100. This is an appeal to pool our resources together to give assistance ASAP to the survivors. Let us encourage our school communities, parishes and circle of friends to share. You may send your donation to SVD Southern Province Inc. Acct. No. 1025640132, BPI Cebu Mango Branch. Thank you so much!

Lord, we lift up to you the people of Bohol and Cebu. May your mercy see them through this difficult time. Use our five loaves and two fish. Multiply it to bring succor to those in need. This we ask in Jesus' name. Amen.

Womanly musings...

On the way home last Saturday, a couple got off a jeep from across the street. What caught my attention though was the way the guy kissed the girl on the lips in public. The body language seemed telling. The girl was leaning away from him. I looked away embarrassed. After what I estimated to be a sufficient amount of time for goodbyes, the next sight that greeted me was the guy going into his house along the highway and then the girl crossing the street to go home. That was when my jaw dropped in shock. Babae ang naghatid sa boyfriend niya sa bahay? Talaga lang? Couldn't he make the effort to walk her first to her house?

 * * * * * 

Yesterday, I was chatting with a long-time friend. Since college, this guy has been my confidante about all things regarding my love life or lack thereof. I found it strange that I was disagreeing with all the advice he was giving me and then I realized... he was giving me advice from the perspective of a married guy--advice that a man ought to follow but is not necessarily good advice for a woman. He was more or less urging me to push for clarification of intentions or cut off friendships. 

I guess I have learned a few things over the years. One of the most crucial things is that when it comes to romantic relationships, just let the man take the lead. Don't jump the gun. Wait. This is extremely difficult, especially for women today who are in charge of their careers, take initiative at work, and are proactive in other areas of their life. 

Popular culture via all forms of entertainment encourages women to take the initiative. You have Barbara Streisand and Celine Dion singing to women everywhere to "tell him." You have Julia Roberts going after her best friend to keep him from marrying someone else... a few years later, she is a superstar of a girl "standing in front of a boy asking him to love her."

I am grateful I attended a seminar which I realize now has given me a different perspective that is quite liberating. If a man wants me, he will do what he has to. If he is silent about his feelings or his actions don't back up his words, just let it be. 

If you can be friends, be friends. Don't assume anything. Learn to live with the wondering but assume that the default position is he is just not that into you. Guard your heart, ladies. Don't give it to the next available man just because he's a nice, warm body beside you. You might end up having to bring him home while he gives you a sloppy, disrespectful kiss in public that you don't really want.

* * * * *

Okay, this might not seem like my usual blog topic but ultimately, when I think about it, God is really giving me grace. I don't have the strength to guard my own heart. I am impulsive and impatient and aggressive enough to tell a guy I like that I like him. God is really the one guarding my heart lately... yes, my weaknesses and impulses still make their way out but the peace I have now is inexplicable and can only be from God. It is a peace that the world cannot give. And it is a peace that liberates. 

Father, thank you for the peace that only you can give. May everyone who reads this blog also be blessed with this inexplicable peace that liberates. Please bless all women, especially young women who might look up to the Miley Ciruses of the world, with the knowledge of how much you love them. May this knowledge lead to them value and respect themselves, say no when they have to, be patiently trusting when things are uncertain, and be free to follow your will wherever it may lead. This we ask in Jesus' name. Amen.       
  

The timing of rain

I took my SD out to lunch yesterday to thank him for his time, listening ear, patience, and prayers. We had a hearty lunch of salt-and-pepper pork ribs at Savory, spinach with garlic, and rice. Sarap! Afterward, he treated me to halo-halo at Razon's. Share kami. Yummy talaga!

On the drive back to the seminary, it started to rain really hard. I was grateful to be safe and dry inside the car. Looking back on it, I realized the timing of the rain for the past two days was providential for me. I had left my umbrella in another bag and had gone without it unaware. Yet, I had not needed it whenever I went out of the office to go home for the past two days. The roads would be wet but the downpour would be over. 

Thank you, Lord, for your protection and all the blessings we receive without knowing it. May we increase in our awareness of your lavish love, and thus increase also in gratitude and in loving those around us. Please grant that we may love you as you ought to be loved, with all our being... 

Thank you also, Lord, for the blessing of having priest-shepherds in my life, particularly my SD, Fr. C, and my mentor-boss, Fr. R, who celebrates his birthday today. Thank you for the knowledge and wisdom they share so generously. Please continue blessing them, keeping them safe, and using them for your glory. This we pray in Jesus' name. Amen.

Needles of rain

It's been a hectic month... changes are in the offing... been worried and stressed, thus blogging has been left on the wayside. But you know you've been privileged to proofread a wonderful thesis when it inspires you to finish that half of a poem you started on the rain-soaked jeep ride home...

needles of rain

threads of sun

are said to weave a veil

for a tikbalang's wedding

but i believe

it's simply God's gossamer way of saying

i love you

4 Sept 2013

A blessing in disguise

Sickness is not normally something I would be thankful for but here I am on the sixth day of chicken pox and grateful for the time it gives me to stay home and just be.

For the past four weeks it has been a struggle to get out of bed on Monday mornings to go to work. This sickness arrived just in time because I really needed a break. 

Saturday was the worst time with my fever at 38.9 but thanks to prayers (special thanks to my SD, Fr. C), the fever broke and was 37.7 the next day. Now, however, the fever is gone and I'm feeling quite normal except for all the pustules. 

I hope I can use this time wisely. God knows what is in my heart and what I would like to do. I just lift the various concerns and desires to Him and hope things will work out according to His will and mercy.

Lord, thanks for making me feel better. But most especially, thank you for giving me this time to rest. It has been such a relief to be home for the past five days. Grant me the grace to do what I otherwise would not be able to prioritize. This I ask in Jesus' name. Amen.