Heroes of Hope - Mando, Carpenter

I was privileged to join Fazenda da Esperanca for a week in their month-long mission in Tacloban. The mission consisted of the repair of roofs, painting where possible, or giving building materials since the time and availability of labor was not enough for the needs of the people. Though I feel my contribution was small and insignificant, I offer my five loaves and two fish as my participation in the love of Christ for our brothers and sisters affected by Yolanda. 

In participating in this mission, I encountered inspiring people, some of whom I would like to honor in this blog.

Kuya Mando is the head carpenter from Masbate who agreed to join the Fazenda team in Tacloban. As head carpenter, his team of carpenters follow his lead--none would have joined the Tacloban mission without him. 

In joining the mission, Kuya Mando was absent at the pamamanhikan for his daughter scheduled in January. Pamamanhikan is the Filipino custom of getting engaged. The man's family goes to the woman's family to ask formally for the woman's hand in marriage; it is a significant event especially since Kuya Mando is the father of the bride-to-be, the one who would give his blessing to the man asking for his daughter's hand in marriage. 

The original plan was to go home for the pamamanhikan, and then come back to Tacloban afterward. But due to a storm, Kuya Mando had to stay in Tacloban and continue the carpentry work essential to restoring a roof over the heads of people. Thankfully, he had a man-to-man talk with his future son-in-law beforehand; on the actual day of the pamamanhikan, they called him over the phone. Not quite traditional but very touching nonetheless. 

Thank you, Kuya Mando, for saying yes... for working under the rain without complaint... and not watching the clock but working to get as many roofs done as humanly possible.

Blessing in Boots

I decided to take the leap and join the Fazenda group in their outreach in Tacloban.

One blessing I did receive was the timing because I hoped my monthly visitor would have left by the time I was set to go. And thank God, He granted my request. It is such a blessing not to have to worry about that. 

Another blessing was a last-minute purchase: fold-able boots to protect one from the rain. 

Portable and affordable (P129). 

I hope my participation in this mission will bear good fruit.

Father, please let all things work out for the best, especially for J and her family. Bless those most affected by Yolanda who continue to struggle. Grant them a way through the difficulties and a fresh start... this we ask in Jesus' name. Amen.

Choosing who you are

My father's side of the family joke often about our seemingly genetic weakness--what is euphemistically called an artistic temperament. I struggled with my own version of it, which in my younger days manifested as an all-day neighborhood-shaking tantrum when I was left at my grandmother's; non-stop crying when a moving truck convoyed with my father's car (my mother explains I must have thought we were being kidnapped or something); and flying off the handle over a can of milk punctured the wrong side up. I recall being very, very upset over a three-day blackout and missing Saturday morning cartoons.

Fortunately, a turning point in my faith journey (a Life in the Spirit Seminar) contributed so much to my conversion. Experiencing God as a gentle embrace was a paradigm shift and over time, I have grown to be a better person.

Some people who got to know me after my conversion experience have given me positive feedback. One person once told me I have a gentle spirit. The most generous compliment I ever received was one person telling me that my silence resembled that of Mary's (maybe of Bethany?). Wow. What a turnaround from where I had been!


But the truth of the matter is, I am aware of my temper still lurking underneath the surface. 

As the holidays brought more family time, the choice of being who you are came to the fore for me. 

One of the family members I dearly love threw what I would describe as a tantrum. And while I understood the hurt and the pain behind it, the larger part of me was actually unsympathetic. I was thinking, you are an adult now. You can handle your pain better than that. 

And that thought hardened my heart and I found my temper more ready to flare. And when my temper did flare, the other person backed down and I got my way.

I jokingly told my mother, this is the lesson I am learning this holiday season. Unahan ng init ng ulo. The person with the worst temper wins.

But after witnessing one of my loved ones throw the worst unexplained sulking tantrum in decades, I realized... I don't want to die a masungit person. Even if that person probably gets more of their way than the meek and gentle person, I would rather die a nicer version of myself. And the choice is in my hands.

As the new year is ushered in, may we all make choices to be the better versions of ourselves especially when it is most difficult.

Lord, I have lost my patience with the people around me. I'm sorry. Please renew my patience. Help me to be merciful as you are always merciful to me. This I ask in Jesus' name. Amen.

Reflections on Vocation - part 2

I started part 1 last November 22, soon after the Kerygma Conference. This is the continuation of that reflection.

The message I had been receiving was to be who God meant me to be. In Bo Sanchez's talk, the message was reinforced yet again.

He talked about accepting your royal self (a child of God, therefore a child of the King) and accepting your real self. 

The liberating messages for me are the following: 

• The most painful thing you can do to yourself is to try to be someone else. 
• Not everyone will like your real self. That's okay. 
• Spend time with people who like you. 
• Love those who dislike you from a distance but there is no need to spend time with them or hang out with them.

This message was particularly liberating because it affirmed a crazy decision I made to leave behind certain things... people actually... even if it meant not having any income and relying solely on providence for a few months. 

After I had left, I realized how negatively I had been affected by at least one person I had been spending time with. I had tried to be loving but in the end, I was hurting myself because I was trying to please a critical, passive-aggressive person. And to be told it's okay not to be liked by her was such a relief. It's okay she will never like me. It's okay to stop trying to be liked by her. It's okay. Pray for her. That's the way to be Christian. 

What a relief not to have to tiptoe around her. What a relief not to have to sit in silence and endure gossip and be benignly ignored. What a relief to be allowed to smile and laugh and chat with people you like and not worry that someone will gossip about you. Wow! I didn't realize I was causing myself pain by trying to be less than I am... a little less obtrusive, a little less happy, a little less confident, in the hope that maybe then, I'll fit in.

Lord, I just surrender the toxic person in my life. I am tempted to bash her before you because of the hurt I have accumulated over a year and a half. I admit this weakness before your throne in the hope that you would strengthen me with your love.

Help me to love and respect myself first. I forgive myself for allowing another person to affect me so I chose to be less than who I am. I choose to forgive the person whose words and actions I found critical, judgmental and hurtful. Heal me from the wounds I may have received so my tongue may not try to take vengeance and instead be held in peace by your love. 

Thank you for bringing people into my life who affirm me and boost my confidence. Thank you for the people who support me and care for me. Thank you for the permission--nay, encouragement--to be myself, to be the person you meant me to be. Thank you for this gift of freedom. 

Thank you for my Nanay, ever-patient listening ear...
Thank you for my Tatay, prayer warrior...
Thank you for my siblings...
Thank you for Fr. RCF... and all the wonderful SVD priests...
Thank you for my CTS family...
Thank you for S... and B...  
Thank you for A... and Sir T... who are professional and kind colleagues...
Thank you for all my professors and classmates... 
Thank you for all the people who actually like me for who I am... geeky friends; singing friends; praying friends; unique, unclassifiable friends who let me be my unique, unclassifiable self... and vice versa...

Help me to be a better person and a better friend, to be a builder of bridges instead of walls. Grant me the grace to be fully who you meant me to be so I can be one of the people who sets the world aflame for love of you. 

All these I pray in Jesus' name. Amen. 


 

Receiving more than what you ask for

At the recently concluded Kerygma Conference, glow sticks were being given out at the end of Sunday's talk. Thinking the colors were probably in the neon greens, pinks, and yellows, I was hoping for a green one---probably influenced by the KCon's motif this year. I had put my glow stick in my bag when I saw there was a blue one... which I realized was what I really wanted, I just didn't know it existed. 

But guess what? When I zipped open my bag's pocket to get fare for the bus, I saw that I had a blue glow stick after all. I got what I really wanted even though I had asked for something else.

Sometimes we pray for this and that but we don't get what we ask for. Sometimes it's because God knows our hearts better than we do. He knows what will truly make us happy. So he says no to the green glow stick request because he knows it's actually the blue one that would delight us most. We just didn't know it was even in the realm of the possible. But God knows all the options that exist. And he knows what is best. Sometimes he'll give it to you even if you didn't ask for it. Wala lang. It's just how he loves--lavishly, wanting only what is best for his children.

Lord, I don't even know what to pray for. But your love is so perfect, there is nothing else for me to do but trust you. Your will be done. Grant me the grace to cooperate fully. I know your perfect will is what will give me that deep and blessed joy only you can give. I trust in you. Thank you for wanting only what is best for me. Amen. 

Reflections on Vocation - part 1

For the past week, I think God has been making things clearer about what direction I ought to take. 

It all began last Saturday while I was attending CTS class--Kingdom of God and Mission. Perhaps it was something the professor said but instead of focusing on the lecture, I found myself daydreaming about how I wanted to participate in this missio Dei. How I, E _ _ _ _ S _ _ _ _ _, could write in the horror genre for young adults as a Filipina writer in the footsteps of Tolkien-Gaiman, producing works that at heart are all about Christ. 

The idea was tantalizing. Could it be that this was my niche in the greater scheme of things? If I could be a successful writer, then I could participate in the things I would really like to do. There would be both time and money to volunteer in GK, sing in the choir or facilitate SRA for kids... there are just so many possibilities!

That night, I attended a vocation festival held at Rogationist. At two of the booths I visited, there was a glass bowl of rolled up pieces of paper with a scripture verse or quotation that you could pick out. At the first booth, I returned the paper because it did not speak to me. But at the other booth, the words leaped out and seemed to confirm the morning's inspiration. 

"Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire!" - St. Catherine of Siena. 

And in the two days I was at the Kerygma Conference, the message was confirmed, reinforced, and dare I say, anointed?

On day one, Fr. Raniero Cantalamesa, OFMCap, gave the first plenary talk. Reflecting back on it, I believe God was reminding me to immerse myself in him, to ask the Holy Spirit to empower me, for ministry must come from an overflow.

"... stay in the city until you are clothed with power from on high." - Luke 24:49

The first verse, the key to the conference, was taken from Phil 4:13:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

I was being reminded that I needed constant renewal. It is not a one-time thing. Fr. Cantalemesa recommended we pray daily to the Holy Spirit (Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and enkindle in us the fire of your love...). Connect to the power source. Seek first the Kingdom. All else will follow.

From the plenary, I proceeded to the first class I chose for the day: Forming a Winning Team: Maximizing Your Members for Ministry. The speakers were Bro. Obet Cabrillas, Benedict Hernandez and Ghika Bernabe. 

What struck me from this class was the role of mission in team building. A clear mission made the difference between a ho-hum job and capturing people's passion and purpose to propel everyone to strive for a common goal. 

My take from this talk is: give people a clear vision of how they participate in God's mission and you will have captured their passion and purpose; the team will give all they've got to get the prize--which in our case is the crown of life (the crown-of-life insight actually came from the next class, but it just seemed so connected, I had to mention it here).

Other learnings to remember: it's okay to ask for help; recruit a person who is best at your weakness; when you've reached one goal, set the bar higher--new mission, next mission.

The next class I picked out was: Meeting Your Members' Deepest Needs. The speakers were Fr. Steve Tynan and Bro. Jon Escoto.  

What struck me from this class was that each person's ultimate need is salvation. So in everything I do, it has to somehow help someone get to heaven... "facilitate the conversion of hearts," even when it means speaking the painful truth. From the depth of true conversion, holiness of life--and everything else--flows."

Conversion does not come at the snap of a finger. It is a process. And it is painful. But to choose a false peace--keeping quiet to let another person go about making sinful choices at the cost of his or her soul would be doing that person a great disservice. May we choose faithfulness over popularity. 

But the balance to this teaching is to know our limitations and boundaries. We are not supposed to intrude. But when we are asked, then we can come in and hopefully speak the truth with love to facilitate the ongoing process of conversion. Meet the person's deepest need--eternal life.

The plenary talk by Fr. Dave Concepcion reinforced the message for me. 

1. Stay focused.

Focus on the prize--eternal life. We are only pilgrims in the world. Remember what we are really after.

2. Know your priorities.

What will bring you to heaven? Is what I am doing bringing me (and others) closer to God? If not, drop it like a hot potato. 

3. Live a balanced life - ora et labora

Pray as if everything depends on God; work as if everything depends on you.

4. Choose to be brave.

Make painful decisions for God. 

(to be continued...)

My new age sense is tingling...

I'm growing in my love for God on the intellectual level, but it was in the charismatic renewal that I first fell in love with God on an emotional level. I wanted to express myself in charismatic worship again--bring in more heart to enrich reason.  

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words." - Romans 8:26

The charismatic renewal has brought this verse to life--when I use the gift of tongues that the Spirit has given, then I experience the truth of Romans 8:26. The Spirit intercedes on my behalf "with sighs to deep for words." 

So when the opportunity of "open service" presented itself (i.e., study the songs on your own, no practice required), I plucked up the courage to serve in the choir despite my long absence. Thus, for the last two Sundays, I have been blessed to worship as a music minister.  

However, even before coming to the service, I was troubled by a song's lyrics in the line up we were studying. It was an original composition and the lyrics spoke about being empowered by God. Most of it was okay but the catchy chorus had me thinking twice:

I am invincible, unstoppable

Untouchable, I'm powerful

Coz you are God 

You're alive in me

Jesus Christ strengthen me

Holy Spirit empower me

You are God

You're alive in me

I'm invincible

It seems like a good message but I was thinking... even if you abide in God and God abides in you, that does not make us human beings invincible. If for some strange reason a sniper chose to shoot a music minister through the heart while the latter was singing this song, barring a miracle, the natural laws would allow that person to be injured at the very least, maybe even die.

Honestly, I find it difficult to sing this song with conviction. In my heart, what I know to be true is that I am limited but in my weakness, God's strength is made manifest. St. Paul writes:

"but he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9 

Singing that "I am invincible" does not seem like boasting of my weakness. Am I boasting of God's power? I hope so. But I prefer to sing it directly... You are invincible, you are unstoppable, you are untouchable, you are powerful. Ikaw na, Lord!

*****

My new age sense is tingling...

I am allergic to anything new age much like a reformed alcoholic might shun the smell of alcohol.

So again, at the PICC Feast, I was troubled by portions of the talk that seemed to have a touch of new age thinking.

Basically the message was everything will be alright because God is with us. But what had me praying that people were not being misled was when Bro. Bo Sanchez led us into prayer by asking people to imagine that our spirit was leaving our body and going up to God so we could have the right perspective--which included seeing the future God has planned for you. It just seemed to me like an opening for astral projection, with the addition of trying to divine the future through the disguise of prayer.

I enjoy being at the Feast because it gives me a dose of positivity but no community is perfect. I just hope no one is being misled down the new age path of trying to be God, having their will be done, visualizing their goals and dreams, and gung-ho about accomplishing it all without ever asking: what does God want?

Lord, you know all things. I may not understand what is really going on in my leaders' minds and hearts but I surrender them into your loving hands. I hope they are still following you faithfully and not being misled by the desire to have so many members. Purge any false prophets from our midst who preach only what people want to hear, and neglecting to speak what you wish to be said. Put your words in the mouths of our leaders, Lord, even the painful truth so that we may truly follow you even when it is difficult. This we ask in Jesus' name. Amen. 

[Blog entry duplicated in Rock on!]